Wake me up when September ends

September has been my favourite month forever, from the time I was born. It marks the start of my birthday month. I always get super excited on the 1st of September. Looks like adulting is happening the harder way. I don't like to have a bday anymore. It is now a reminder that I have been unemployed and the years are passing. I am entering my mid-thirties, over-weight, with half my hair gone, more than half my mind gone and struggling to make something out of my life. I am even losing my confidence and don't know if I can perform in a job. The thought of my birthday is only making me feel worse than ever. It is like being poked and mocked for all that I could not be. I so hate the way I am turning into. I am tired of answering the question about what I do. Or how I don't get bored sitting at home.
I am tired of being hopeful. I need results. I am losing interest in all those things that excite me. Seeing people travel reminds me of my incompetencies. Wanting to buy something reminds me that I am unemployed. I know what poverty trap is. And not being able to practice what I preach makes me such a hypocrite.  I am only getting to hate the person I am growing into. Status Quo is so depressing.