A small light seems to appear at the end of the tunnel

Lots of pent up thoughts and feelings. Some vents. Some regrets. Some hormones off the grid. Yet, it is good to 'let it gooo' and let live. I started this new sitcom Dharma & Greg and it does keep throwing in bits, here and there, to live a little better, be true to yourself and strive towards being one with the real you. I did want to pen down a lot more personal stuff, real real personal, so, unfortunately, a public blog cannot be it. So I am going to write and maybe erase it off on my laptop itself.  That would take more time though.
Well, a little light at the tunnel for me. Got a call for a job I badly want. Haven't put in much effort in its prep today though. !@#$%%& to me for that! Anyways, so I was asking God to make me the only candidate for the post or have an internal candidate and chose me over her/him. And while I was telling God that I haven't spoken to 'him' in a while and that it was ok because God is everywhere and I talk to myself all the time, hence I talk to God. And now that I am asking God to help me. And the corollary to the first statement is to help myself! I had this moment of flash and foolishness when I had this realisation. Help myself! How simple and straightforward is t. And it boils down to my childhood prayer, to help me give in my best and how God will help those who help themselves.
God, please let me use the time I have effectively and efficiently. Let me prepare well. Let me remember, recollect and reproduce my knowledge and experiences. Give me the confidence to put in my best. And please, I know I haven't given my best shot yet for a job, but I did give in a year of unemployment. This job does seem like a dream come true. Let me not break it. Help me!!


Think that's for now.

Yours,
Me

Mom Sitcom

I have been watching the sitcom MOM lately. It kind of like the people in there fill the vacuum of having a bunch of girls-women-ladies at work. Talking, bitching, showing off, getting dressed, giving advice, sharing food. I do miss that. As I put down the words, I realise the resemblance the ladies played. Not that I can fix it. Hmm
Anyways, I opened my laptop today to write that the best thing I ran into today is a new pair of washing gloves. Yes, you read it right. They have a new design. And they are new. And I saved it to start when I was opening a new bottle of washing liquid. And the washing scrouge. I am equally surprised to realise how much excitement using all the three new things has given me. And I feel like crying to know that it has actually emotionally stirred me. What a mess I have become!!!!!!!!!!!!
Huh!
I wanted to write about the coffee saga today and of not giving up. I forgot to turn down the power yesterday, and my milk boiled and spilled off. To compensate for the badly behaved coffee, I made another. This time, only after washing, cleaning, drying and putting everything in place. And on regular power. But what happens. This time, it spills more. My mistake. Wanted to be a good girl and make less coffee. So I boiled only half a cup of milk and keep it on regular power. Result. It just puff. almost all the milk spill over. All over the microwave plate. This is after I clean the microwave plate, dry it, get a chair to reach and place it on top. And as I remove the microwave plate to clean it again, it spills over all that I had cleaned before. And no brownies for guessing. I clean again. Andd, I feel super freaked out. But, I didnt want to give up. So I clean it all up and repeat all that was done before, and again make coffee. This time I have my eyes on the microwave. And one second I take my eyes off, it boils over. Ths time its just a little. So I could still make my coffee. But I really lost the enthu I was trying to pull up for the day. I just snuggle in and watch more Mom.
I am also overeating from the last couple of days. Not working on my jobs. I arent feeling very charged. I am feeling quite low. It is almost a week less than a year since I got off  my last job. I miss the routine. I miss being busy. I miss all the hustle bustle of work. Deadlines, meeting. What not. And I am also really really worried. I am trying to hold on a littel torch of hope that I would get a job. Dont know how long I have to wait or compromise to make it work. I know why I did this. And I know its worth. I just dont want to lose myself in the process a making things get better.

Love and thoughts,
Me

scroll scroll scroll

Thanks to the every growing time I spend on social media, I am losing my ability to read an article completely. Instead, I am saving what I intend to read, at some unknown point of time, and then, go scroll scroll scroll. This has ruined my ability to concentrate and focus my energies on a single task. I know this. I know this from long. Felt the biggest punch on my jaw during my GMAT prep time. Still, what did I do? Nothing. Scroll scroll scroll. The spring unwinds and gets to its original form. Sat down to write a resume for an important job application I intend to apply today, and I haven't even looked into it. I just do scroll scroll scroll on my phone. I dont even wish to see the updates. Good thing, my s3 has moved on from Facebook to Linkedin. Bad thing, I still do not read the articles on LinkedIn. Such a lazy mass the grey matter is turning into! Who or what will help me, if I do not help myself. And, I know what I want to do as well. But, the day starts and progresses the same way, every day, day after day. Huh!
Yep, does feel better.

Got to get that job!

Yours,
Me

Confession

Eating scoops of Triple Chocolate ice cream from a Healthy living low fat mousse cup! Aaaahh!! First, you have to eat the mousse to create space. Then when the mousse is half done, open the ice cream tub and put some (a little more than some) of it into the half empty mousse cup. Okay, I put an extra spoon coz I want to make it look full so that I don't come in for another helping. Yup, my eyes need to sink in first. And then, tiptoe and grab another scoop to fit into the empty mousse cup. And then, when guilt strikes in, open the blog which noone reads and pour over your heart and confess!! Ta da . . deal is done :D
How simple!
How I love to fool myself and pamper myself at the same time. I read an article which mentions  'healthy metabolic obesity' in the morning. It ends with, depends on if you wish to live till 60 or 80. Why would I be lying if I say, 60 and chilling then 80 by the rule book. Just when I think I am going a little overboard and doing something which is so close to nothing. Hmmm! Yeah, the chocolate high becomes low in a moment. Sugar rush!
Bought two pairs of jeans yesterday, and checked the size conversions this morning. I still wear the same size which happens to be more comfortable than my current pants. But hey, whom am I bluffing. I can see the wobbly adipose with my own two times two eyes.

Alright, confessions up.

Yours more truly, less thoughtfully,
Me